RIP Duchess – You Were So Much More than Just a Dog

This past Saturday, I lost my best friend; my loyal canine companion of more than 10 years, Duchess.

It happened suddenly – right in front of us at the dinner table. Unfortunately, baby girl witnessed it too. We can only speculate what took her life but we suspect it was cardiomyopathy or perhaps a stroke. She was standing there and suddenly she fell over – her legs went up in the air and she was flailing around trying to get up. Mike bent down to her and calmed her – she lay on her side and let out the most gut wrenching moan. Baby girl was crying and asking “what’s wrong with Duchess?” I rushed baby girl to her room as she had already seen more than a little girl should. She was crying, asking if Duchess was going to be ok. I calmed her down while I hugged her talked to her for a minute. I told her I didn’t know, that Duchess was old and it might be her time. I didn’t want to give baby girl unrealistic expectations and I wasn’t sure what to expect when I walked out of her room. I turned on her TV and told her to lie down and watch TV for just a few minutes while I checked on Duchess.

When I saw Mike giving her CPR, my heart broke. I rushed to her but it was too late. She was already gone. Mike tried for several minutes to revive her, but her tongue was hanging out – her heart had stopped. My beautiful, scrunchy-faced, nub-wagging Boxer was gone. The immediate pain I felt was immense – I could hardly breathe. I cradled her on the floor, kissing her face and sobbing.

Until that moment I had no idea how painful losing her would be. She was my first dog. The pain of losing her was almost too much to bear; it felt like I had just lost a person. It still feels that way.

As I sift through the pictures and videos of her now, it eases some of my sadness. Grief still comes in waves, followed by tears I can’t seem to hold back. “They” say it’s normal. I wonder if my life will ever be “normal” again. I know that in time my pain will fade, but I am forever changed by her “chewbacca” whine and silly demeanor. She turned this cat-loving girl into a proud Boxer momma. She was loyal, playful, goofy and stubborn. She also loved my children like they were her own. I couldn’t have asked for a better companion or friend. She was vibrant and youthful, even up until the end of her short 10 1/2 years.

RIP Duchess. I’m going to miss you more than words can express.
My heart is full with your memories.