So for those that don’t know….

I lost my job last week, the very same day that I met Duran Duran.  It was simultaneously the best and worst day of my life.  I was stunned.  My boss called me on the phone late that afternoon to deliver the news.  After 5 years of hard work, the best he can do is a phone call?  The reason given?  My team felt I was hard to work with/for. They felt I wasn’t doing enough to better the account, etc.  Every member of my team worked remotely, so I have to assume that because I wasn’t an excessive communicator with them and didn’t hold their hands and sing kumbaya, or because perhaps I’m too much of a bitch – they didn’t “connect” with me. Did I mention they all work from home? Ugh.  So instead of my company seeing my redeeming qualities worth retaining such as my business development skills and the ability to run my own full desk, my knowledge of passive recruiting and the ability to train and mentor – they decide, “fuck it, she’s gotta go”. WTF?  I had other clients I could have been working with, but put them on the back burner to run that piece of crap AT&T account.  All those rules, all that paperwork – for $7 spreads?!?  It’s ludicrous.

Honestly though, I think it’s a blessing.  At first I was shocked, hurt, I felt betrayed! I didn’t understand.  I still don’t understand, but I’ve come to accept it as fate. There had been some things going on there that made me uncomfortable, and one thing that made me downright angry. However, comfort means a lot. When you’ve worked somewhere for 5 years, thinking of looking at new jobs becomes scary!  This business is full of micromanagers and I don’t work well with that type of management style.  After 14 years, I know what I’m doing.  Just leave me be and let me do my job! Well, I’ve had my head so far buried in the sand that I’ve missed what’s going on around me.  Salaries for my skills have gone up substantially. Who knew I’d been so underpaid?  HA!

So I have 2 interviews lined up for this Friday. Both sound like great opportunities and I’m so excited to now be in this league.  They are a big step up from before and with awesome earning potential. Maybe I’ll even get benefits this time!

As for the rest of my life – I’m still not divorced yet.  Tomorrow is my mediation hearing for the divorce and I pray that we can get it over and done with.  Although knowing my ex, he’ll drag it out as long as possible!  I’m not sure what will happen with the house, or even if now that I’ve lost my job I can afford the house.  Living paycheck to paycheck sucks!  I resolve to not live this way any longer than I have to!

When I first found out I’d lost my job, I panicked.  I cried.  Going even one week without being paid could cause a serious ripple effect in my budget.  I wondered, “how will we get by?”

I will survive. That’s how.

I thought about all the times before in my life that things have been hard, money has been tight or I’ve worried about the future. In the end, things have always been ok.  I have skills, resolve and ability. I will always be ok, no matter what. Suddenly, I was at peace with it all.  I know that even if I get behind on bills or sell my house -  I will still be ok. There is no finality in anything, except perhaps death and we can’t even be sure of that! Change is going to happen – sometimes good and sometimes bad.  All I know is that I can handle it, whatever it is. That’s how I roll.